Bisexuality
- What are the myths and realities of bisexuality?
-
Sexuality runs along a continuum. It is not a static “thing”
but rather has the potential to change throughout one’s lifetime
and varies infinitely among people. We cannot fit our
sexuality into nice neat categories, which determine who and what
we are. Bisexuality exists at many points along the sexual
continuum.
Myth: Bisexuality doesn’t really exist. People
who consider themselves bisexual are going though a phase/
confused/ undecided/ fence sitting. Ultimately they’ll settle
down and realize they’re actually homosexual or heterosexual.
Reality: Some people go through a transitional period
of bisexuality on their way to adopting a lesbian/gay or
heterosexual identity. For many others, a bisexual
orientation remains a long-term orientation. For some
bisexual people, same-sex attractions were a transitional phase in
their coming out as bisexual. Many bisexual people may well be
confused, living in a society where their sexuality is denied by
gays and straights alike, but that confusion is a function of
oppression. Fence sitting is a misnomer; there is no “fence”
between same-sex or male-female sexual orientations except in the
minds of people who rigidly divide the two.
Myth: Bisexuality doesn’t really exist. People
who consider themselves bisexual are really heterosexual, but are
experimenting/playing around/trying to be
cool/liberated/trendy/politically correct.
Reality: Whether an individual is an
“experimenting heterosexual” or a bisexual person depends on how
she/he defines her/himself, rather than on some external
standard. While there certainly are people who engage in
bisexual behavior because they think it is trendy, this does not
negate the people who come to a bisexual identity amidst pain and
confusion and claim it with pride.
Myth: Bisexuality doesn’t really exist. People who
consider themselves bisexual are actually lesbian/ gay, but haven’t
fully accepted themselves and finished coming out of the closet
(acknowledging their attraction to people of the same
gender.)
Reality: Bisexual orientation is a legitimate sexual
orientation. Many bisexual people are completely out of the
closet, but not on the lesbian/gay community’s terms. (It is worth
noting that many lesbians and gay men are not completely out of the
closet and their process is generally respected; it is also worth
noting that the lesbian/gay community whose “terms” are in question
here has tended to be quite different for working class lesbians,
gays of color, etc.) Bisexual people in this country share
with lesbians and gay men the debilitating experience of
heterosexism and homophobia.
Myth: Bisexual people are shallow, narcissistic,
untrustworthy, hedonistic, and/or immoral.
Reality: This myth reflects our culture’s ambivalence
over sex and pleasure. The “sex” in bisexuality gets
overemphasized, and our culture projects onto bisexual people its
fascination with and condemnation of sex and pleasure.
Myth: Bisexual people are equally attracted to both
sexes. Bisexual means having concurrent lovers of both
sexes.
Reality: Most bisexual people are primarily attracted
to either men or women, but do not deny the lesser attraction,
regardless of whether they act on it. Some bisexual people
are never sexual with women, or men, or either. A bisexual
orientation is about dreams and desires and capacities as much as
it is about acts. Bisexual people can have lovers of either
sex, not must have lovers of both sexes. Some bisexual people
may have concurrent lovers, but they do not need to be with both
sexes in order to feel fulfilled.
Myth: Bisexual people are promiscuous hypersexual
swingers who are attracted to every woman and man they meet.
Bisexual people cannot be monogamous, nor can they marry or live in
traditional committed relationships. They could never be
celibate.
Reality: Bisexual people have a range of sexual
behaviors. Like lesbians, gay or heterosexual people, some
have multiple partners, some have one partner, and some go through
periods without any partners. Promiscuity is no more
prevalent in the bisexual population than in other groups of
people.
Myth: Bisexual people spread AIDS to the heterosexual
and lesbians communities.
Reality: This myth allows discrimination against
bisexual people to be legitimized. The label “bisexual” simply
refers to sexual orientation. It says nothing about whether one
practices safe sex or not. AIDS occurs in people of all sexual
orientations. AIDS is contracted through unsafe sexual
practices, shared needles, and contaminated blood transfusions.
Sexual orientation does not “cause” AIDS.
Myth: Politically, bisexual people are traitors to the
cause of lesbian/gay liberation. They pass as heterosexual to
avoid trouble and maintain heterosexual privilege.
Reality: Obviously there are bisexual people who pass
as heterosexual to avoid trouble. There are also many
lesbians and gay men who do this too. To “pass” for
heterosexual and deny the part of you that loves people of the same
gender is just as painful and damaging for a bisexual person as it
is for a lesbian or gay person. Politicized bisexual
people remain aware of heterosexual privileges and are committed
enough to lesbian/ gay/bisexual/transgendered rights to not just
abandon LGBT communities when in heterosexual relationships.
Myth: Bisexual women will always leave their lesbian
lovers for men.
Reality: Although this does happen sometimes, one can
also find examples of bisexual women who have good long-term
relationships with lesbians. There are bisexual people for
whom same-sex attraction is a phase; there are also lesbians for
whom same-sex behavior is a phase. There are bisexual and
lesbian women who never really come to grips with their sexuality
and internalized homophobia. Bisexual women who truly accept
themselves and their sexuality will leave a relationship with a
woman or a man when it no longer works for them. The same
could be said of lesbians who accept themselves. As hard as
it is to get clear about the reasons a relationship may end, and as
many challenges as lesbian relationship in particular may face, the
notion that bisexual women can’t handle lesbian relationships is
just a stereotype.
Myth: Bisexual people get the best of both worlds and
a doubled chance for a date on Saturday night.
Reality: Combine our society’s extreme heterosexism
and homophobia with lesbian and gay hesitance to accept bisexual
people into their community, and it might be more accurate to say
that bisexual people get the worst of both worlds. As to the
doubled chance for a date theory, that depends more upon the
individual’s personality then it does upon her/his sexuality. If a
bisexual woman has a hard time meeting people, her sexual
orientation won’t help much.
Myth: Bisexual people are desperately unhappy,
endlessly seeking some kind of peace they cannot ever find.
Reality: Like lesbians and gay men who have been told
that they will live awful lives, bisexual people also can respond
that much of the pain comes from oppression. People concerned about
the “awful lives” of bisexual people should join the fight against
homophobia. It is important to remember that “bisexual,” “lesbian,”
“gay,” “transgender,” and “heterosexual” are labels created by a
homophobic, biphobic, heterosexist society to separate and alienate
us from each other. We are all unique and don’t fit into
distinct categories. We sometimes need to use these labels for
political reasons or to increase our visibility. Seeing the beauty
in our diversity while acknowledging and accepting the differences
facilitates our sexual esteem.